Trust is a Big Word!

I was thinking of a new topic to post and I came up with these 3 ideas of a title
1. How Can Be Fashionable in a Land Where Fashion Seems Impossible.
2. Trust is a Big Word!
3. Coping up is Always a Difficult Process

Then I realized I will write them all but before that I would like to apologize for not writing about the Do's and Dont's in Ramadan because I realized that it is a very extensive topic to talk about.

I decided to write about TRUST first because it is a very timely thing for me.

image from globe-net.com

I am a friendly person but I am not a very easy person to deal with and I admit that. So if I put down my walls to let you into my life that means you started to gain my trust. 

During my teenage years, my father always told me "You only got one chance so don't lose it" but unlike my father I believe everyone deserves second chances. I am only human and always subjected to failures and mistakes and if I do fail I also wanted to be given a second chance to redeem myself.

image from lesbiancouplesclub.com

I believe that trust is the foundation of every relationship - friendship, love, marriage, corporate affairs, etc.  If there is no trust it is difficult to love. How can you love a person you don't trust? My mom once told my dad " Respect me and I will Trust you, love me and I will forever love you " because it is indeed easy to love a person you can trust. This is especially true in long distance relationship where the only thing you can hold on to is your trust for each other. 

This blog of mine is solely dedicated to my life in the kingdom and how I deal with the people, the pressures of the job and the culture so writing about this big word is not easy at all. 

On work: 

When you are a new doctor, the only person you can trust is your nurse assistant. She knows everything happening inside your clinic and sometimes in your personal life. There are different types of nurses; some are probing, asking all about your personal life. Some though are very shy to ask and just listens to your stories. Some will win you by giving you food, some are really loyal even almost telling you all about your colleague competitors, some don't care at all but just work. 

As a new doctor, it would be easy for you to trust back because you have no choice but to and then when you feel at ease with them already that's the time you feel odd and weird because you will hear stories simmering around in the ER or any other common place that you only told your nurse. Then you feel betrayed and started holding back. 

Now, I am 2 years 3 months and 22 days here in KSA to date and I can say now I don't trust easily.

image from www.pinterest.com

But no matter how careful you are you still become a victim of Trust Betrayal.

If it is harder for me to trust now, it is even more hard for me to find real friends. After that trust betrayal I already marked those nurses I don't trust and those I trust. I sifted those who are real from those who are fake. I tried to warn my friends on who these people are but it is still up to them to decide whom to be friends with at least I have done my part of the deal- that is to warn them. 

On Friendship:

The experience taught me a life lesson, not to trust anyone so easily. I confined myself from home to clinic and just do work I am tasked to do with no mingling anymore. I put them all into "acquaintance zone", smiling at them when I need to, greeting them when they greet me and deal with them work- related only. 

It is very hard to please everyone especially those not within your level that you have to stoop down in order to blend in or look up and reach out. 

I admire those who reach out to me one way or another. One colleague, come to visit me in clinic everyday just to say hi even though his superiors question him why he always visit me he ignores them. I feel grateful when people get out of their way to be my friend and careless about what other people say. 

Another colleague reached out by adding me in Facebook first and I accepted his request even if I was wondering how he searched my profile when I'm in private mode. I realized we had a common FB friend. I feel flattered he got out of his capsule and reach out to be my friend. We are now close friends and our bond I can say is more stronger because of trust. 

One more colleague send me message that he read my blog and I really appreciate it. He reached out to get to know the other side of me the side that I only write and never show. 

Now I have more male friends than female ones. Male friends are more easy to deal with, their satisfaction is simple, they listen to rumors but it passes from one ear to another. They admire you instead of envy you (unlike female friends who instead of appreciating you hold a hidden jealousy of what you have, they count your blessings instead of their own) 

They make me feel better everyday and make me want to improve myself more on the way I dress up, the way I write and the way I am. These new male friends that I have right now I consider them as one of my latest precious possessions, or so I thought. 

On Breaking Trust:

Trust is very hard to build and very easy to destroy. 

courtesy of www.pinterest.com

I trusted someone with my opinions and I respect that these opinions will just be between us but one way or another it leaked through, again I am a victim of trust betrayal. When I trust someone I give my heart to him, I share part of me. I am a very good friend and I care for my friends so much, sometimes exceeding my personal limits, but people has a nature to spill the beans especially when you say "don't tell anyone" the more they tell anyone.

They say if people talk to you about someone be sure when you turn your back they will talk about you to other people too. One friend I tried to confront and see if he will tell me the truth but instead he continued to deny things. That is a signal for me to stop asking and let go. Another friend I did not ask because obviously the trust betrayal was deliberately done. Asking is futile.

What I thought was precious wasn't precious at all. I was deceived by the brightness they are emitting. On closer look, it was not real brightness, they shine by reflecting other people's brightness. I was searching for a diamond but I found an ordinary stone like just anything else. The suppose to be good relationship that I was willing to bring up to the next level of closeness shattered down like a dream and I started putting walls again. It really hurts to expect too much. My heart was wounded deep I just don't know how deep is deep right now. 

And even though I am hurting I pretend to be ok. I never confront, if I do that means I am giving you a second chance to stay in my life. If I don't it means two things I forgive you but I won't trust you like before again or I don't want you in my life anymore. 

It taught me a lesson:

Be careful of whom you trust because in the end it is only your self that you can really depend on.  

I just feel sad on the wasted friendship that could have been so beautiful. 

My Impression of Arab Men

It is the 3rd day of Eid il Ftir and since we did not push through with our trip to Doha, Qatar, I am here in the four corners of my room thinking of what to do.

A colleague of mine once asked me: "What is my impression of Arab men?". He follows my blog, so I told him I will not tell him instead I would blog it since he gave me an idea of what to write in my next post.

When we say Arab men the first thing that comes to our minds are men who lives in Saudi Arabia and when we hear of Saudi Arabia we correlate it with fear. The Middle Eastern countries particularly Saudi Arabia has a social stigma. Maybe, fear was just a product of an individual's imagination or something resulting to what the media relayed through the news. As expected, there are overflowing bad news about what happened to a fellow countrymen working in Saudi Arabia. There are numerous news about crimes, struggles and documentaries on life's difficulties but we seldom hear about stories of success. These are the reasons why most women are afraid of Arabs even without personally meeting them.

When you think of Arab men in general (men from Saudi, Emirates, Egypt, Palestine, Yemen, Syria, etc..) what are the first things that comes to your mind?

( Disclaimer: This is my own point of view, I am not talking in general but based on my experiences and encounter with Arab men)

on FACIAL FEATURES: 

For me the first things that come to my mind are : the deep set eyes, thick eyebrows, sharp pointed nose and perfectly chiseled jaws with neatly shaven beard just like this handsome man who was rumored to be thrown out of Saudi Arabia during a religious festival for being too handsome (as written all over the newspapers).

Omar Borkan Al Gala by www.playbuzz.com

Omar Borkan Al Gala by www.taramagazine.com

Who would not fall in love with a man with almost perfect facial features? But don't expect too much because you will seldom see this kind of face in an ordinary environment, probably you will if you work in a fashion or entertainment industry, but like in any other parts of the world you just cannot see beautiful faces strutting busy streets, that is why the words "social status" has been invented.

In my almost 3 years in Saudi Arabia, I have encountered very "few" handsome Arab men. You might think it was quite disappointing, well it actually is, especially those who are eyeing possible relationships. When I stayed in Italy for training, every single day, wherever I turn my head to, I always see a beautiful face. Handsome men are everywhere. Humility aside, I had also been a head turner in Italy maybe because I am tall and Italians admittedly love the color of Asian skin (I can still remember when one Italian approached me at the Trenitalia station). Anyway, so much for the reminiscing part, we go back to our topic.


on FINANCIAL STATUS: 

All men, not only Arabs should be breadwinners. They are the ones who should handle family finances. The Muslim culture allows Muslim men to have up to 4 wives provided he can afford it, and as long as the family will not suffer financially. Saudi Arabian men who mostly followed this teaching are financially stable. Emirati Men basically can also provide well for the family. Saudi Arabia and Emirates are very rich countries. Of course this financial status is not true for all. Most Egyptian men I encounter belongs to the low to middle socioeconomic status and Syrians are the most frugal of all.

Again, I reemphasize that these are based on my personal encounter with them.

Most of the times, in my clinic, I allow patient's husbands to enter my consultation room. When I  recommend a series of diagnostic procedures to Saudi husbands for their wives they don't complain with prices, when you say it to Egyptian husbands they will haggle for large discounts sometimes very unreasonable discounts. If you tell it to a Syrian husband, expect it, most of the times the tests will never be done. It is not right to judge persons based on their financial capabilities but if we are talking about "the future" most women look at this aspect seriously. Love is the foundation of any relationships but for marriage to harmoniously succeed, the husband should be a very good provider.

There are of course situations that led to financial freedom. Saudis are well provided for by the government, compared to employees belonging to other nationalities but with the same job description, Saudis are given higher salary bracket. Egyptians flock the Kingdom due to lack of job in their own country, so most of them are working on a very tight budget. Syrian is in a state of war and therefore people are struggling financially.

I remember one Egyptian friend who always question me why I am fond of buying branded products. I told him with price comes quality. He even told me why I like Starbucks Coffee worth 15-19 SAR per cup when I can get coffee in a street kiosk worth 5SAR. Though he is reasonably correct that if you just want to refesh and treat yourself with a cup of coffee you can just buy an instant coffee to satisfy that need. I told him needs are different from wants. Figaro, Seattle's Best and Starbucks are no ordinary coffees, and there is a reason why they are expensive and well known internationally. So if I have to satisfy a need I will have to satisfy it to the fullest.

on PERSONAL HYGEINE:

This might be a bit offending but as the saying goes "It is better to get hurt with the truth than be comforted with a lie" 

Coming from a tropical country like the Philippines where people has been raised to take a bath everyday, makes me have very high standards on personal hygiene. Most Egyptian men I encounter wear the same clothes twice, three times in a row and yes there are others who wear it in a week. I don't know what their personal situation is (maybe they have few clothes or they feel lazy to spin it in a washing machine) but if they want to meet the woman of their dreams they should at least make an effort to look good and they should know how to carry themselves.

I am personally attracted to men who is fashionable and wears nice perfume. Most Egyptian men I met wears perfume too but honestly the smell it is not the same. When they enter my clinic they emit a noxious smell leaving a fetid odor that my nurse has to spray air deodorizer to remove the smell. Probably what they did not know is, the skin has reaction to the chemicals in the perfume. If you regularly take a bath your skin is renewed, old skin falls off by scrubbing and you will smell fresh even without putting perfumes and lotions but one has to change clothes everyday because sweat stick to clothes. If you don't take a bath even for a day or even if you take a bath but wears the same clothes your skin will be oily and you can notice even your hair feels greasy. There is a certain smell that sweat and sebum emits and when they react with perfumes instead of giving you a nice smell you will exude a stinky smell that is very sharp for the nostrils.(Sorry for being too honest)

Sudanese men, mostly husbands of my patients also have a very distinctive smell. Something "smokey" it is like the smell of someone who stayed more than 6 hours in the kitchen making grills and charbroiled stuffs. Surprisingly not, the women smells the same.

Saudi men amazingly smells good. They come to my clinic dressed in the traditional all white outfit which makes them look more clean. Most aren't handsome but the way they carry themselves compensate their looks. They don't look oily or greasy and they wear nice perfumes. I guess maybe because they also take a shower daily.

Palestinian men? Well, I am in no position to describe them because I only know one Palestinian guy and it will be unfair to base my impression from him. Suffice it to say that he has beautiful set of eyes that melts you when he looks at you, I think he changes clothes everyday because he always smells good (or maybe I am not just a very keen observant).

When a person smells good you wouldn't even think if he changes his clothes everyday or not. It is called mind conditioning in Psychiatry. For example you see a famous celebrity carrying a Loius Vitton bag, you wouldn't think it is fake because you know she can afford it but if an ordinary person carries an LV you automatically conclude that it is not an original one. It is a social status thing. If you have been dubbed as unhygienic then you will carry that impression for the rest of your life.

on INTELLIGENCE:

For me nothing is more handsome than a man who can express himself confidently. Learning another language is one measure of intelligence. I admire Arabs who not only can fluently speak English but can converse very well. Of course in the medical profession you will always find Arab men who can speak English. I am more amazed with some of the husbands of my patients who can converse in English. Most of them studies in UK, lives in the US or Canada. Most importantly to be able to communicate well with your partner you should learn to adopt his language and he likewise. There is nothing more satisfying than being with your loved one who can always make you laugh and never having a dull moment with him.

on HOW THEY TREAT A WOMAN:

Aside from the superficial, physical and monetary aspects, the most important thing for me is how a man treats her woman.

Arab men are protective. Very protective. Maybe because of their culture. Most women stays at home, their only job is to keep the household, take care of the children and fulfill the needs of their husbands. On many occasions, the men do the groceries, even buying stuffs like sanitary napkins, simply because women are not allowed to go out alone.

Arab men are flirts. And I mean real flirts. They will flirt with you whenever they see an opportunity to do so, maybe because they are in an environment where women doesn't mingle with men, so naturally men are deprived socially and emotionally. I have encountered husbands of my patients, father of my patients, medical representatives, sale supervisors, waiters in restaurants who in one way or another disclose their intention to me and you will be amazed with their styles. If I will describe it in detail it will make up another blogpost.

Arab men are sexually naive. Not based from my own experience but from experiences relayed by colleagues, patients and friends. This is true for younger, single men. Again, because of culture where porn sites, pornographic materials and engaging in pre marital sexual relationship are prohibited in Islam, the lack of knowledge and exposure makes most men sexually weak in bed.

I have talked to few women telling me that Arab men don't know how to kiss passionately. There is one incident also that an Egyptian man consulted a urologist (not in the same clinic where I work) because of lower abdominal pain, difficulty in urination and pain in the scrotum. Upon thorough history taking, he admitted that the night before he indulged in sexual conversation with a female friend which stimulated him too much, the problem is he don't know how to release sperm by self stimulation (masturbation). It was the first time I heard a case like that because I assumed all men knows how to self-satisfy. There is another case where her partner suddenly released sperm all over her dress, just by kissing and hugging (premature ejaculation) which is quite embarrassing and disappointing for some women but for my friend she find it cute since she knows it was his partner's first time (makes a good point). Quite Challenging!

Arab men lacks passion. The root might be from the naiveness previously mentioned. My patients always ask me for advise regarding problems in bed. They complain that their husbands always rush into the sexual act without doing enough foreplay or sometimes no foreplay at all. I believe that not only Arab men should realize that women have their needs also and these needs have to be met. They should always be unselfish and willing to satisfy these needs. The sexual act is not just to release the men's load and satisfy his urge but to be able to feel the love and express it. Sexual activity is one chance that you can feel you are in unison with your partner. Believe me guys, if a woman reach climax(orgasm), your sperm release will be more pleasurable and more satisfying so never ever miss that rhythmic vaginal contractions that happens only when a girl reach orgasm, and her orgasm will only depend on your performance in bed.

Everything can be learned through time and through good communication. So for all women out there wanting to hook up and get married to an Arab men don't hesitate. Arab men are like just any other men, they have their weaknesses and flaws and you have to see beyond these in order to appreciate them.

An Arab man for me is attractive specially if he satisfy my simple standards: Looks good, smells good, financially stable, eloquent and passionate in bed.

NOTE:

This post is not written to criticize Arab men. This is based on my personal experience in my work environment. If some words are offensive I do apologize but I wish some Arabs will be able to read this so they can improve for the better.

All About Ramadan

Ramadan is a blessed month. It is the 9th month in the Hijri or Islamic Calendar  its beginning and end is determined by the visual sightings of the crescent moon. If the moon does not appear Ramadan is delayed for a day same as with the Eid il ftir which marks the end of Ramadan. This is the reason why the crescent moon is a common thing you see in all places ( stores, malls, restos) during Ramadan.

ramadan moon sighting courtesy of newsrescue.com

Ramadan commemorates the first revelation of the Holy Quran to Prophet Muhammed. Ramadan is observed by all muslims worldwide as a month of fasting and fasting is obligatory except for those who is ill, traveling, pregnant, breastfeeding or having menstrual cycle. There are exceptions also and these are the following facts about Ramadan ( you are free to add comment if there is something needed to be added or changed).

1. Fasting starts from 4 am until 7 pm. Nothing should be taken by mouth not even water.
2. The first meal is called IFTAR which is eaten at 7 pm after prayer. Iftar literally means breakfast.

TRIVIA: All over the world breakfast is eaten in the morning between 7am-10am followed by lunch and dinner. During Ramadan, breakfast or iftar is eaten at 7 pm not only it is called breakfast because it is the first meal but also because it is the first meal that BREAKs your FASTing. 

iftar menu courtesy of www.isglmasjid.org

Traditionally but not mandatory the first thing they eat are 3 Dates or Tamer simulating what Prophet Muhammed did. To many Muslims feeding another with Iftar is a form of charity, this is the reason why most Masjids or mosques give out Khabsa after the 7 pm siren or Adhan.

EGYPTIAN IFTAR

This is just based on my conversation with my colleague Dr. Samer Shawky Nosier. I asked him to enlighten me on his Ramadan Appetite. He briefly told me that after prayer between 7-7:30 pm they eat the Iftar usually starting with Dates and Dried Fruits soaked in milk. Then soup is served followed by the main meal consisting of mostly rice, chicken,beef. Dessert is served thereafter.

For other information on how the rest of the world eats iftar please check this Iftar and the world.

TRIVIA: Egypt's Alexandria breaks Guiness' World Record of having the longest Iftar table for 2015.  The 4.3 km long table was set along the seaside of Alexandria, despite the angry crowd complaining about the scarcity of food it smashed away the previous 2.0 km record set in Italy.  

Dr. Samer told me that there is more to it about Ramadan than food and fasting. It is restricting yourself from committing sins as much as possible whether verbal or physical like no lies, cursing and avoiding anything that stimulates earthly desires. In short self behaving.

PALESTINIAN VIEW

My other colleague and friend who is Palestinian  also told me that during Ramadan you devote your self to your ultimate God. He devotes more time reading the Holy Quran. He avoids acts that will break the fasting. He said that you are expected to be good all months of the year but you are obliged to be better than good during the month of Ramadan.

SAUDI'S POINT

I had the privilege to talk with few Saudi nationals about Ramadan though not extensively. They follow the same principles that was written in the Holy Quran but of course some have different interpretation and comprehension of what was written. It is like when we go to school, the school give us the same book but how we understand that book differs from our classmates.

I asked my friend what they do during the long hours of fasting from 4 am to 7 pm, he said only sleep and read the Quran. Listening to music is not allowed.

So what are these do's and dont's in Ramadan that Muslims follows? I will write it in another post

Happy Reading!

My Definitely Dubai Experience - Part 2

It has been almost a year since I made my last post but I need to finish things I left undone. So here is my culminating post on our trip to Dubai last September 2014.

After we had lunch at Trader's Vic we roamed around Souq Madinat Jumeira to check out some good stuffs and as I mentioned in my previous post it is like Tiendesitas in the Philippines

store selling miniature lamps 

I can't resist checking out this Burberry Scarf

That ends our first Day in Dubai.

Day 2 we started of by riding the famous Dhow Cruise. It would tour you around the rivers of Dubai and the ticket is included in the Hop on Hop Off price you paid. You have to check the time because the Dhow Cruise run on a schedule and you have to allot 1 hour for the tour.

Wooden Dhow at the background

There are FREE mineral water for every ticket but don't be deceived by the ice-cream cups they are for sale. 

Inside the Wooden Dhow during a cruise with Baskin and Robbins Ice cream for sale

After the Dhow Cruise we went to the Famous Gold Souq, of course not leaving Dubai without buying one for each of us. 

Gold Display

Every one with smile on their faces because we got what we wanted at an incredible price of 8,000 AED.

Happiness

We get tired after the shopping spree. We went back to Wafi Mall to check out Biella Restaurant and we decided to have our dinner there before we call it a night. 

@ Biella 

Food is good and staffs are friendly. We waited at Biella until the scheduled light and sound show at the Wafi Mall Grounds. The show was amazing, sorry my video failed to upload because it exceeded the limit of 100mb allowed. 

That ends our Day 2. On our last day before we fly back to KSA, we spent the morning in the SPA and of course I would not leave Raffles without dipping in their pool. 

Raffles Pool Lounge

Thats it for our Dubai Adventure. See you on my next post. Happy Reading!