It is the 3rd day of Eid il Ftir and since we did not push through with our trip to Doha, Qatar, I am here in the four corners of my room thinking of what to do.
A colleague of mine once asked me: "What is my impression of Arab men?". He follows my blog, so I told him I will not tell him instead I would blog it since he gave me an idea of what to write in my next post.
When we say Arab men the first thing that comes to our minds are men who lives in Saudi Arabia and when we hear of Saudi Arabia we correlate it with fear. The Middle Eastern countries particularly Saudi Arabia has a social stigma. Maybe, fear was just a product of an individual's imagination or something resulting to what the media relayed through the news. As expected, there are overflowing bad news about what happened to a fellow countrymen working in Saudi Arabia. There are numerous news about crimes, struggles and documentaries on life's difficulties but we seldom hear about stories of success. These are the reasons why most women are afraid of Arabs even without personally meeting them.
When you think of Arab men in general (men from Saudi, Emirates, Egypt, Palestine, Yemen, Syria, etc..) what are the first things that comes to your mind?
( Disclaimer: This is my own point of view, I am not talking in general but based on my experiences and encounter with Arab men)
on FACIAL FEATURES:
For me the first things that come to my mind are : the deep set eyes, thick eyebrows, sharp pointed nose and perfectly chiseled jaws with neatly shaven beard just like this handsome man who was rumored to be thrown out of Saudi Arabia during a religious festival for being too handsome (as written all over the newspapers).
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| Omar Borkan Al Gala by www.playbuzz.com |
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| Omar Borkan Al Gala by www.taramagazine.com |
Who would not fall in love with a man with almost perfect facial features? But don't expect too much because you will seldom see this kind of face in an ordinary environment, probably you will if you work in a fashion or entertainment industry, but like in any other parts of the world you just cannot see beautiful faces strutting busy streets, that is why the words "social status" has been invented.
In my almost 3 years in Saudi Arabia, I have encountered very "few" handsome Arab men. You might think it was quite disappointing, well it actually is, especially those who are eyeing possible relationships. When I stayed in Italy for training, every single day, wherever I turn my head to, I always see a beautiful face. Handsome men are everywhere. Humility aside, I had also been a head turner in Italy maybe because I am tall and Italians admittedly love the color of Asian skin (I can still remember when one Italian approached me at the Trenitalia station). Anyway, so much for the reminiscing part, we go back to our topic.
on FINANCIAL STATUS:
All men, not only Arabs should be breadwinners. They are the ones who should handle family finances. The Muslim culture allows Muslim men to have up to 4 wives provided he can afford it, and as long as the family will not suffer financially. Saudi Arabian men who mostly followed this teaching are financially stable. Emirati Men basically can also provide well for the family. Saudi Arabia and Emirates are very rich countries. Of course this financial status is not true for all. Most Egyptian men I encounter belongs to the low to middle socioeconomic status and Syrians are the most frugal of all.
Again, I reemphasize that these are based on my personal encounter with them.
Most of the times, in my clinic, I allow patient's husbands to enter my consultation room. When I recommend a series of diagnostic procedures to Saudi husbands for their wives they don't complain with prices, when you say it to Egyptian husbands they will haggle for large discounts sometimes very unreasonable discounts. If you tell it to a Syrian husband, expect it, most of the times the tests will never be done. It is not right to judge persons based on their financial capabilities but if we are talking about "the future" most women look at this aspect seriously. Love is the foundation of any relationships but for marriage to harmoniously succeed, the husband should be a very good provider.
There are of course situations that led to financial freedom. Saudis are well provided for by the government, compared to employees belonging to other nationalities but with the same job description, Saudis are given higher salary bracket. Egyptians flock the Kingdom due to lack of job in their own country, so most of them are working on a very tight budget. Syrian is in a state of war and therefore people are struggling financially.
I remember one Egyptian friend who always question me why I am fond of buying branded products. I told him with
price comes quality. He even told me why I like Starbucks Coffee worth 15-19 SAR per cup when I can get coffee in a street kiosk worth 5SAR. Though he is reasonably correct that if you just want to refesh and treat yourself with a cup of coffee you can just buy an instant coffee to satisfy that need. I told him needs are different from wants. Figaro, Seattle's Best and Starbucks are no ordinary coffees, and there is a reason why they are expensive and well known internationally. So if I have to satisfy a need I will have to satisfy it to the fullest.
on PERSONAL HYGEINE:
This might be a bit offending but as the saying goes
"It is better to get hurt with the truth than be comforted with a lie"
Coming from a tropical country like the Philippines where people has been raised to take a bath everyday, makes me have very high standards on personal hygiene. Most Egyptian men I encounter wear the same clothes twice, three times in a row and yes there are others who wear it in a week. I don't know what their personal situation is (maybe they have few clothes or they feel lazy to spin it in a washing machine) but if they want to meet the woman of their dreams they should at least make an effort to look good and they should know how to carry themselves.
I am personally attracted to men who is fashionable and wears nice perfume. Most Egyptian men I met wears perfume too but honestly the smell it is not the same. When they enter my clinic they emit a noxious smell leaving a fetid odor that my nurse has to spray air deodorizer to remove the smell. Probably what they did not know is, the skin has reaction to the chemicals in the perfume. If you regularly take a bath your skin is renewed, old skin falls off by scrubbing and you will smell fresh even without putting perfumes and lotions but one has to change clothes everyday because sweat stick to clothes. If you don't take a bath even for a day or even if you take a bath but wears the same clothes your skin will be oily and you can notice even your hair feels greasy. There is a certain smell that sweat and sebum emits and when they react with perfumes instead of giving you a nice smell you will exude a stinky smell that is very sharp for the nostrils.(Sorry for being too honest)
Sudanese men, mostly husbands of my patients also have a very distinctive smell. Something "smokey" it is like the smell of someone who stayed more than 6 hours in the kitchen making grills and charbroiled stuffs. Surprisingly not, the women smells the same.
Saudi men amazingly smells good. They come to my clinic dressed in the traditional all white outfit which makes them look more clean. Most aren't handsome but the way they carry themselves compensate their looks. They don't look oily or greasy and they wear nice perfumes. I guess maybe because they also take a shower daily.
Palestinian men? Well, I am in no position to describe them because I only know one Palestinian guy and it will be unfair to base my impression from him. Suffice it to say that he has beautiful set of eyes that melts you when he looks at you, I think he changes clothes everyday because he always smells good (or maybe I am not just a very keen observant).
When a person smells good you wouldn't even think if he changes his clothes everyday or not. It is called mind conditioning in Psychiatry. For example you see a famous celebrity carrying a Loius Vitton bag, you wouldn't think it is fake because you know she can afford it but if an ordinary person carries an LV you automatically conclude that it is not an original one. It is a social status thing. If you have been dubbed as unhygienic then you will carry that impression for the rest of your life.
on INTELLIGENCE:
For me nothing is more handsome than a man who can express himself confidently. Learning another language is one measure of intelligence. I admire Arabs who not only can fluently speak English but can converse very well. Of course in the medical profession you will always find Arab men who can speak English.
I am more amazed with some of the husbands of my patients who can converse in English. Most of them studies in UK, lives in the US or Canada. Most importantly to be able to communicate well with your partner you should learn to adopt his language and he likewise. There is nothing more satisfying than being with your loved one who can always make you laugh and never having a dull moment with him.
on HOW THEY TREAT A WOMAN:
Aside from the superficial, physical and monetary aspects, the most important thing for me is how a man treats her woman.
Arab men are
protective. Very protective. Maybe because of their culture. Most women stays at home, their only job is to keep the household, take care of the children and fulfill the needs of their husbands. On many occasions, the men do the groceries, even buying stuffs like sanitary napkins, simply because women are not allowed to go out alone.
Arab men are
flirts. And I mean real flirts. They will flirt with you whenever they see an opportunity to do so, maybe because they are in an environment where women doesn't mingle with men, so naturally men are deprived socially and emotionally. I have encountered husbands of my patients, father of my patients, medical representatives, sale supervisors, waiters in restaurants who in one way or another disclose their intention to me and you will be amazed with their styles. If I will describe it in detail it will make up another blogpost.
Arab men are
sexually naive. Not based from my own experience but from experiences relayed by colleagues, patients and friends. This is true for younger, single men. Again, because of culture where porn sites, pornographic materials and engaging in pre marital sexual relationship are prohibited in Islam, the lack of knowledge and exposure makes most men sexually weak in bed.
I have talked to few women telling me that Arab men don't know how to kiss passionately. There is one incident also that an Egyptian man consulted a urologist (not in the same clinic where I work) because of lower abdominal pain, difficulty in urination and pain in the scrotum. Upon thorough history taking, he admitted that the night before he indulged in sexual conversation with a female friend which stimulated him too much, the problem is he don't know how to release sperm by self stimulation (masturbation). It was the first time I heard a case like that because I assumed all men knows how to self-satisfy. There is another case where her partner suddenly released sperm all over her dress, just by kissing and hugging (premature ejaculation) which is quite embarrassing and disappointing for some women but for my friend she find it cute since she knows it was his partner's first time (makes a good point). Quite Challenging!
Arab men lacks
passion. The root might be from the naiveness previously mentioned. My patients always ask me for advise regarding problems in bed. They complain that their husbands always rush into the sexual act without doing enough foreplay or sometimes no foreplay at all. I believe that not only Arab men should realize that women have their needs also and these needs have to be met. They should always be unselfish and willing to satisfy these needs. The sexual act is not just to release the men's load and satisfy his urge but to be able to feel the love and express it. Sexual activity is one chance that you can feel you are in unison with your partner. Believe me guys, if a woman reach climax(orgasm), your sperm release will be more pleasurable and more satisfying so never ever miss that rhythmic vaginal contractions that happens only when a girl reach orgasm, and her orgasm will only depend on your performance in bed.
Everything can be learned through time and through good communication. So for all women out there wanting to hook up and get married to an Arab men don't hesitate. Arab men are like just any other men, they have their weaknesses and flaws and you have to see beyond these in order to appreciate them.
An Arab man for me is attractive specially if he satisfy my simple standards: Looks good, smells good, financially stable, eloquent and passionate in bed.
NOTE:
This post is not written to criticize Arab men. This is based on my personal experience in my work environment. If some words are offensive I do apologize but I wish some Arabs will be able to read this so they can improve for the better.
